Wednesday, August 5, 2015

insidious spider

Insidious spider
lurking inside,
spun a web of destruction

Five days ago I underwent surgery yet again: to address the rather large cyst on my left ovary and to check for adhesions as suggested were present by the ultrasounds I've had.  What was uncovered during the procedure was rather disturbing, discouraging, and mystifying.  As Dr. P so eloquently put it, he's "never seen adhesions like these before."  Those were not words of hope, my friends.  I have little comprehension of how I can feel so healthy, so "normal" while being so contrary on the inside.  

What I had inside me was a dismal scene.  It was as if an evil spider had spun a dense web of captivity around everything, holding my organs hostage- to the point that they were not visible at all.  I had no cysts at all (the silver lining perhaps?)- rather, those adhesions had formed self-contained caverns that were filling with fluid, resembling cysts but being something entirely different.  And according to Mr. Doctor there is little I can do to help prevent that tissue from forming again.  Some people are genetically predisposed to forming them (lucky me!) and they typically appear within one month of an operation, injury, or infection.  On top of that, a "recurrence" of endometriosis was discovered, something extremely rare within a year of prior removal.  Despite my strict anti-inflammatory diet and avoidance of toxic cosmetics and cleaners I am ever just as broken as before. 

Mr. Doctor removed the adhesions and used the best techniques known to help prevent future scars from binding stuff together.  I'm taking a rather large dosage of serrapeptase (480,000 iu daily) and praying for healing.  Besides healing, I'm praying for a bonafide miracle.  And contemplating how God doles out miracles.  I am certainly no more deserving than anyone else....